Unwavering Enthusiasm
When I conceived my son
Six weeks after my daughter died
I felt an immaculate conception
A pregnancy of push from beyond
Not that I didn’t want this Life
Not that I wasn’t deeply hopeful
Yet I couldn’t believe it
When he was born healthy before
The first anniversary of her death
I felt the holy birth of impossibility
A living baby from the miraculous
Not that I didn’t want this Life
Not that I wasn’t deeply hopeful
Yet I couldn’t believe it
When he was almost a year old
I felt I could finally “baptize” him
With a baby naming ceremony
Acknowledging his aliveness with community
Not that I didn’t want this Life
Not that I wasn’t deeply hopeful
Yet I couldn’t believe it
When he was almost two years old
I felt his double spiritedness
His extraordinary Aliveness
pushing through from beyond
His enthusiasm for Life
so far outreaching mine
As if his late sisters soul
had hitched a ride back in his heart
Not that I didn’t want this Life
Not that I wasn’t deeply hopeful
Yet I couldn’t believe it
Couldn’t believe I would ever
feel the Joy of being alive again
after the death of my daughter
Immaculately
Spectacularly
Miraculously
My sons enthusiasm
healed my broken belief of heart
Enthusiasm from “enthousiasmos”
means possessed by God
His possession coming
through me from beyond
Not that I didn’t want this Life
Not that I wasn’t deeply hopeful
Yet I couldn’t believe it
Until the miracle happened
In my own blood,
In my own holy water of
Deliverance—
by the enthusiasm of my little boy
For this life,
For this hope
For this unwavering belief
His belief now my belief
Born only through my broken openness
My unwavering belief in Joy
